Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship
As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Each individual's intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
