The Advice shared by My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - spending a few days away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."